2. Be calm and focus on your ultimate goal in a crucial conversation

Do you remember the last time your ideas came under fire?

For most of us, it’s hard to stay calm and cool when this happens.

The last time this happened to you, you may have even lost your temper or gotten offended and walked out, or at the very least felt a certain degree of negative emotion.

Unfortunately, this accomplishes very little in terms of helping you have a successful dialogue, or getting your ideas to land with other people.

Here is how it could have been different…

Before you have a crucial conversation:

• Think about your actual goals by asking yourself the following two clarifying questions:
  • What do I want to achieve from this conversation?
  • What information do I want to share with the other participants in the conversation?

👆 Asking yourself these questions will highlight your ultimate goal in a conversation and help you stay focused on the topic at hand.

• Also consider for a moment what you don’t want from a conversation.
  • In your professional life, for example, you don’t want a conversation to be vague if it’s about making an important decision.
  • In your personal life, you don’t want a conversation to cause bitterness between you and your partner, because a good decision must be agreed upon by both of you.

Once you know what you want out of a crucial conversation, be sure to stay focused on this goal during your actual conversation.

If someone criticizes you, or if any objections annoy you, or if you’re offended about something, pause for a moment and remind yourself of your goal. And every time the conversation starts to steer away from this goal, gently nudge it back in the right direction.

This also lets you overcome your emotional outbursts.

When you have a solid goal, you wouldn’t want your anger or ego to meddle with that goal.

And no matter how much you’re ‘attacked’ in the conversation, you’ll weather it patiently simply because you don’t want the conversation to fail without achieving its goal.

Actionable insights

Let’s say you want to share something with your spouse or partner that may upset them.

Before beginning the conversation, pause and ask yourself this:

• What is my goal and what do I want to avoid?

You probably want to convey the information without upsetting your partner, right? So, begin the conversation with this goal in mind and you’ll be more likely to have a calm conversation, patiently weathering your partner’s reaction.

If you’re enjoying this free course on Crucial Conversations, you’ll love the full version of this training program. Learn more and register below 👇

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